For those of you who have been curious, I thought I’d give you a little cultural information about where I am from.
THINGS YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SOUTH CACKALACKY, BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK.
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. 2. There are 5,000 types of American snakes and 4,998 of them live in South Cackalacky. 3. There are 10,000 types of American spiders. All 10,000 of them live in South Cackalacky, plus a couple no one's ever seen before. 4. If’n it grows, it'll stick ya. If’n it crawls, it'll bite cha. 5. 'Onced,' 'Twiced' and ‘Throwed’ are commonly used words. 6. It is not a shopping cart, it’s a buggy. 7. People actually grow and eat okra. And if you are lucky enough to have Poke Salit growin wild near your house, you’re gonna be eatin that too. 8. 'Fixinto' is one word. My wife uses it all the time. “I’m fixinto womp you on the head if you don’t get that trash out now!” 9. There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then there is supper. And on Sundays they are one and the same. 10. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two, and South Cackalackians do like a little tea with our sugar! 11. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.' 12. The word 'Jeet' is actually a question meaning 'Did you eat?' 13. 'No. Jew?' is the common response to the question 'Jeet?” 14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. 15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them. 16. You measure distance in minutes. 17. You may have to switch from heat to A/C in the same day. 18. All the festivals across South Cackalacky are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, weed, insect or animal part. 19. You know what 'DAWGS,' ‘FRAWGS” and ‘HAWGS’ are. 20. You carry jumper cables in your car... For your OWN car. 21. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, vinegar, ketchup, and hot sauce. 22. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip, high school football and motor sports. 23. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 24. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm.' 25. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas. 26. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as Goin' to Wally World. 27. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken bog weather. 28. Fried catfish is the other white meat. 29. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. We start our driver’s training on John Deeres when we are five years old, dag-nabbit. 30. If you ain't puttin peanuts in your Coke, the only other acceptable way to eat them is to boil them with salt. We call them boiled goobers. 31. You understand what’s been stated here and still would feel right at home here in South Cackalacky.